Finding Intimacy: Master Your Breathing and Calm the Unending Chatter in Your Mind

Breath is the essence of life. From our first moments fresh from the womb until the last sigh of death we are breathing. Most of the time we breathe reflexive without thinking; inhaling and exhaling  our way through morning routines, work, train rides, exercise, and sleep. Using the breath consciously as a tool is the first step to entering the mindful world of intimacy and love. When we are present with our breath we can reach a place of focus, stillness, and inner peace that allows us to go deeper into ourselves and our experiences. Using conscious breathing practices enables us to calm the incessant chatter of the mind and become a witness to our thoughts, feelings, and sensations. When we are in this place of observing ourselves, we stop being our feelings and instead are aware of and not run by them. 

For example, when feeling angry, a common response is to “see red” or “lose your head” and become so angry that it takes over every part of your consciousness. By using conscious breathing in moments like these, you can retain your sense of self and clarity of mind and be aware that you feel angry giving space and distance to the state of feeling instead of being swept away by the feeling. It is the difference between: “I AM ANGRY!” and “I feel anger.” In one way the anger is so apart of your state of being that it becomes who you are just as you might say, “Hi, I’m George.” Mindfully, through focus and breath, you can separate yourself and become the observer of your feelings so that “I’M ANGRY” is changed to “I am George and I feel angry.”  Breath is the key to unlocking the inner worlds of yourself in order to live from a place of peace. It is only from this place of calm and peace that we can sit with ourselves, know ourselves, and then begin to know another.

Lauren is a fresh faced 25-year-old woman just getting her feet wet in the grownup world. She is independent, responsible, and motivated. Since high school she has always had a boyfriend and referred to herself as a “serial monogamist.” She described that having a boyfriend gave her the chance to express her loving, nurturing, caring side that was very much a part of her joy. When one relationship fell apart for some reason or another, Lauren was often quick to find someone else to fill that need for feeling love and being loved.

She had left her past relationship feeling disappointed, annoyed, confused, and jaded about love. She described always putting so much into a relationship and the other person but never getting enough back from her partner. She would take the initiative setting up dates, romantic outings, and always gave the best and most thoughtful gifts. She thought of herself as good at relationships and a great partner, and probably was for many of the men that she dated, but yet Lauren always felt unfulfilled by her partners. She often found their faults and very rarely recognized her own feelings, expectations, and behaviors that contributed to the relationship losing its spark or coming to an end. Not one of her partners was able to give her what she gave them and satisfy her need for feeling loved.

Upon moving to Chicago during one of her rare single stretches, Lauren was introduced to TantraNova and started working with conscious breath, energy awareness and the “observer”.   She learned to be present to what is in the moment and develop that non-judgmental observer to her thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.  Lauren started to see that although her partners weren’t perfect, they weren’t all to blame either. She started sharing that she might be looking to others to love and be loved because there was something within herself that felt empty and craved love and attention. In one realization, she made the connection that perhaps it wasn’t her partners who didn’t love her enough, but that she didn’t love, nurture and care for herself enough. She came to notice that she had often lost herself in her love relationships and was so busy showering her partners with love as an avoidance of feeling empty, loneliness and discomfort within herself.  

In the TantraNova approach we use the breath as a guide to come to the present moment. This allows for the inner “observer”, “watcher” or “witness” of one’s feeling states, emotions, physical sensations and the conversations in the mind to arise. Unlike animals, we as humans are able to self-reflect. Through linguistic capacity the human mind can interpret and give meaning to  life and circumstances. It’s designed that way. Yet, without focus and intention the mind goes on automatic chatter making up stories and meaning incessantly.

  

Here is what we mean by the “Observer”:

There was a moose walking through the forest moving along in its merry way. Then, suddenly a big tree fell right in front of her. The moose looked at the tree, lifted her nose and started smelling and nibbling on the twigs and leaves. Then the rain started to fall. The moose raised her head enjoying the rain drops falling on her face and tasting them. And with this she found her way around the fallen tree and continued on her journey.

Now, the human was walking through the forest. Then, suddenly a big tree fell right in front of him. The human looked angrily at the tree cursing and huffing: “Now I am going to be late for my meeting. And what about my wife and children and my retirement fund? I have to make a bridge to get where I need to go! What – and it is raining too?” Throwing up his hands in despair and disgust he exclaims: “Why me, God, why me?”

As Eckhart Tolle says "The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Separate them from the situation, which is always neutral, which always is as it is.”

Becoming the “moose” allows us to be in the present moment, witness what is, notice how one feels and watch the chatter, thoughts and interpretations in one’s mind. In the “moose” or witness state one gets to be connected with oneself, tap into stillness and peace – and that’s the space where we find intimacy.

We invite you to connect with your “moose” by offering the following practice:

Belly Breath Meditation

·         Sit comfortably in a chair or on a cushion on the floor

·         Close your eyes

·         Place your right hand on your belly right below the navel

·         Exhale all the air emptying yourself out

·         Take in a deep breath down into your belly expanding your belly like a big balloon

·         On the exhalation notice the belly flattening

·         Take in a deep breath again into the belly extending your belly into your hand

·         On the exhalation again notice the belly flattening

·         Continue breathing in this pattern for a total of 10 breaths

·         Inhaling witness the rising of your belly – exhaling witness the falling of your belly

Upon completion notice how you are feeling right now and how your body is feeling. Become aware of any sensations and your state of mind at the present moment. 

© 2011 TantraNova – Copyright Worldwide

Spooning: Harmonizing Energies & Moods

Here is a Valentine’s gift for you and your partner. The purpose of this connecting practice is to create balance and harmony, to influence the synchronicity between you and your partner and to come into resonance with each other.
Here is how the practice goes:

The couple lays together spoon-fashion on their left side (for reasons of energy flow). The receiver on the inside is enveloped in the arms of the giver on the outside. The giver, holding the receiver, has his/her right hand rest on the receiver’s lower belly (Creation Chakra) and his/her left arm under the receiver’s neck. 

Synchronized breathing:

As you lie together, close your eyes and relax. Quiet your mind by focusing on deep breathing together. Breathing into your nose down your throat into your lungs and extending into your belly.

• Become aware of your partners breath. 
• Inhale together and exhale together. When inhaling, visualize receiving energy into your Creation Chakra from your partner’s Creation Center and when exhaling send energy from your Creation Center into your partner’s Creation Center. 
• Follow this pattern for four breaths. 
• Then the giver places his/her hand on the receiver’s Heart Center. When inhaling, visualize receiving energy into your Heart Center from your partner’s Heart Center and when exhaling send energy from your Heart Center into your partner’s Heart Center. 
• Follow this pattern for four breaths. 
• Then the giver places his/her finger tips with a light touch on the receiver’s Third Eye Center. When inhaling,visualize receiving energy into your Third Eye Center from your partner’s Third Eye Center and when exhaling send energy from your Third Eye Center into your partner’s Third Eye Center. 
• Follow this pattern for four breaths.

Now switch roles. Once you have completed this practice look at each other and share your experience with each other.

To learn more about TantraNova, their seminars in Chicago and across the US go to http://www.tantranova.com or call 773-525-5006.

Valentine’s Prep: Discover the Secrets to Lasting Intimacy

As you may know we are going to Newport Beach, CA, in February to lead a 3-Day Valentine’s Retreat. It’s all about discovering the secrets to lasting intimacy. And we are excited (both Freddy Zental and Elsbeth). Our regional coordinator, Ayanna, has been doing a phenomenal job in organizing the event and spreading the word in Southern California. 
 

By the way have you ever considered your intimacy or love conditioning? It’s already ingrained in your subconscious and if you want to make any changes to this conditioning it's essential to recognize what it is set for. Is it set for fulfillment and total satisfaction or neediness and lack of intimate connection? Is it set for struggle or ease, high or low libido, consistent or inconsistent sexual pleasure, picking winning or loosing relationships or partners? Unfortunately your current conditioning will stay with you for the rest of your life, unless you identify it and change it. 

With this in mind we created this Valentine's retreat so that women and men can enter new realms of intimate connection and fulfillment. Whatever your conditioning may be, you will be enabled in this retreat to unleash your full capacity for intimate connection and joy with yourself and your partner, rekindle your passion, and rejuvenate your body and spirit. 

This is what you will learn in a safe, respectful and joyous environment:

• How to create fulfillment, joy and pleasure in your relationship and life
• How to rediscover the source of your creative energy
• How to let go of blocks that prevent you from getting what you want

We at TantraNova hold that men and women approach sexual and intimate relationships in fundamentally different ways. For men, the feeling for love connection originates in his sexual center, while for women it originates in the heart center. The result is a big disconnect: He’s feeling it here, she is feeling it there, and eventually no one’s feeling it anywhere. TantraNova helps connect men and women to themselves and to each other and discover the magical connection that allows them to open up and fully be themselves. The outcome is an experience of:

• How to rediscover the source of your creative energy
• How to let go of blocks that prevent you from getting what you
• Deeper intimacy and love
• Rediscovered aliveness and spontaneity in your relationship
• Joy and play in relationship for the woman
• Revived vigor for the man
• Connection with your creative energy
• New ways to be with yourself and another
• Harmony and balance
• Expanded pleasure in your work and family
• Integration of your spiritual and sexual being

To learn more about their upcoming Valentine’s Weekend Retreat for Couples and Individuals in Newport Beach, CA, on February 15-17, 2008, go to http://www.tantranova.com or call Ayanna Mojica, Regional Coordinator, at 949-395-3359.

Honoring the Divine Within: Creating Deeper Intimacy

At TantraNova we have a tradition of celebrating the Holiday Season by inviting our community from near and far to our Holiday Puja Party. It’s this time of year again and we, Dr. E and Freddy Z, want to share with you about this great gathering of guests we had here at the TantraNova Institute in Chicago last night.

You may wonder what a Puja Party is. Puja is a Sanskrit word. Its meaning originates from ancient Buddhism and Hinduism. According to Wikipedia, puja means “expressions of honor, worship, devotional attention. Acts of puja include bowing, making offerings and chanting. These devotional acts are generally performed daily at home (either in the morning or evening or both) as well as during communal festivals.”

We at TantraNova have taken parts of the original idea of the puja traditions and created a Puja Party with the theme of “honoring the Divine within oneself and within another”. Our Puja Party last night was a Holiday celebration and our guests showed up in festive and inspiring clothes. It was a joyous and most delightful occasion since all of us got to connect with old and new friends. We enjoyed aphrodisiac foods that were prepared by raw food chefs Yvonne Washington and Bonita Kindle. It was a most delicious feast.

Freddy Zental created an engaging medley of dance music and we had a blast watching fabulous moves and individual expressive styles on the dance floor.

The center piece of the party constituted a Puja ritual which is a practice with an inner circle facing the outer circle. It’s a kind of musical chair game where the inner circle moves to the left after they connected with a person in the outer circle. Elsbeth and Freddy Zental lead the Puja ritual giving different directions at each station of the circle.

The ritual is designed to support you in becoming more present to the moment and to yourself. This in turn supports you in becoming more present to the person that stands across from you in the Puja circle. When fully present you bring focus to acknowledging the Divine within yourself and within the person you are facing at each of the Puja stations.

You can tell by all of our blog entries over the past few months that everything centers on being and becoming more present. Once you become more present you can connect more deeply with yourself as well as with another. This is at the very core of creating lasting intimacy in your life and relationships.

For further info on TantraNova and to learn more about creating lasting intimacy and love go to http://www.tantranova.com

Open your Heart with A Relentlessly Tender Intensity

Hi, Freddy Z. here, coming to you all from the TantraNova headquarters in Chicago, Illinois. With this new technological undertaking Elsbeth and I have taken on to generate dialogue about our life’s work and passion, we’ve been trying to figure out the best way to convey and communicate our ideas with all of you. We gathered that the blog would best be served if in addition to our joint sharing we take turns with our own personal interpretations of our experiences, thoughts and insights. That said, I opted to give it a go first. I came across a horoscope the other day that was too good not to mention. I have always been a firm believer that the most significant messages or insights in life are the ones that find their way to me. This particular astrological account was sitting smack dab in the middle of last week’s issue of New City. Rob Brezsny, Mr. Freewill Astrology himself, laid out an intimation for me and all my fellow Aries that resonated for days. It read as follows:

“ARIES (March 21-April 19)
Would you like to shed your soul’s baby fat without having to go on a diet? Do you want to supercharge your immune system, improve your memory for the events that really matter and build the spiritual power of your sexual feelings? Are you interested in postponing forehead wrinkles, getting glimpses of your beautiful future and diminishing your fascination with the media’s nihilism? The secrets to pulling off these possibilities will be more available to you than ever before in the coming weeks. And what’s the best way to ensure you’ll gather them in? Open your heart. I mean really open your heart-with a relentlessly tender intensity.”

Mmmmm! “Relentless tender intensity.” Just say it out loud, let it fall from your mouth and penetrate the air. The claim holds such a significant weight that it’s impossible, for me at least, to not desire that kind of spiritual truth. The opportunity comes, of course, when this declaration of willingness to unite yourself with all that is exquisite seems somehow easier said than done. I have found that the human experience often leaves us with some blockage and that past experiences can become the deciding factor in how we live out our present moment. We at TantraNova have worked with so many people all these years and heard their testaments to bringing about undesirable situation after undesirable situation in their lives - whatever that looked like for them.

We have found that the clarity only comes once we step back and realize that the common denominator in all these experiences was ourselves, or more importantly an ingrained way of thinking that comes from old stories we have been reliving way too long. What helped our clients, and us as well, begin to erase the story that has us energetically constipated and keeping us from “shedding your soul’s baby fat” was breathing into and acknowledging the fears and survival methods that limited positive possibilities. In other words, opening the heart with “a relentlessly tender intensity.” Relentless because nothing, especially pain, can if we choose keep us from living our lives to our greatest potential. Tender because love is what ultimately connects and reconciles all of us as human beings. Intensity because keeping your heart open when your ego and survival mind tell you to close off requires focus and intensity .