It
was the summer of 1969. Freddy, an African-American in his early teens, was
sprawled across the deck of the family houseboat in Sausalito, California, the
sun beating against his dark skin as he idly discussed the interwoven notions
of love, sex, and the sacred with family and friends. He was delighted as
somebody began playing the drums at a distance as he indulged in another warm
grape, smiling with pleasure. It was the Summer of Love, and he felt safe and
passionate.
Meanwhile,
across the world in Germany, a young woman sat nervously in a utilitarian
doctor’s office waiting for the gynecologist’s explanation of why her first
intercourse had been so excruciatingly painful. As a young child she had enjoyed
a sense of freedom in her body while often frolicking completely nude in the
hot, German summers with her nine siblings; that feeling of freedom changed
drastically when she entered puberty. Elsbeth had nobody to ask about why her
first act of intercourse had hurt so much. Conversations about sex beyond the
basics or how babies were made were not at all customary in her household. When
she was sixteen, her father had called her a whore for wearing makeup after she
returned one evening from a ballroom dance class with her first boyfriend.
The
gynecologist interrupted her thoughts with his determination that a small
medical procedure was needed to ease Elsbeth’s pain, and he completed it that
day in the office.
For
his part, eight-year-old Freddy’s life was changing as he went to live with his
dad and new white stepmom, while his three siblings stayed with his birth
mother after their parent’s separation. He always felt loved by his father, a
psychiatrist and student of Tantra, and was often surrounded by a supportive
and open-minded community of family friends.
One
day, Freddy, by now in his mid-teens, set on the home boat in a circle
comprised of a blend of Tantric-curious individuals who had attended his
father’s workshops, as well as friends, colleagues, and his father and
stepmother. When a silence briefly
passed over the group, Freddy took the opportunity to ask his Dad some
questions about things that had happened during his recent first sexual
experience. His father and some of the group members freely advised and
educated him without inhibitions.
Later
that day a package was sitting on the dining room table. “Son, I want you to
read this,” his father said warmly. Freddy unwrapped his first book about
sacred sexuality, and after graciously thanking his father, retreated to his
bedroom to read and learn more.
Back
in Germany, days after the gynecological procedure, Elsbeth’s boyfriend
announced his intention to leave the relationship. Heartbroken, she went home,
where she found her father sitting at the kitchen table, a letter in his hands,
his face livid.
“What
have you done?” he shouted, and she realized in that moment the letter was the
bill from the gynecologist. Her father now knew what she had been up to. After
being subjected to a harsh reprimand and lecture, Elsbeth retreated to her
bedroom feeling alone and dejected, as if the world had turned against her.
Thirty
years later Elsbeth, now a US citizen residing in Chicago, had developed into a
successful management consultant who traveled the world. One evening, while on
assignment for a multinational power company in Europe, she went back to her
corporate apartment and paused for a
moment, resting her head against the inside of the apartment door, keys still in the lock. She
shut her eyes and breathed deeply. This moment of reflection brought back the
deep despair she felt over a relationship with a married man she could not free
herself from. She scanned her apartment, heart heavy. She felt trapped in a
cycle of attraction to unavailable men and lacked hope of ever finding
fulfillment and sustaining love.
Confronted
with the futility of her love situation, she went to a Buddhist meditation
retreat at Plum Village in the south of France. Ten days in silent meditation
had her face her feelings, actions, and illusions. It was excruciating! Yet
those days helped her to connect with her spirit and turn around her life.
In
her soul searching, Elsbeth immersed herself in the study of the ancient
practice of Tantra that opened her up to her sexual-spiritual Self. Deep
healing and clearing allowed her to see her unconscious programming around love
and intimacy. She came to experience deeper trust in herself and see that she
no longer needed to look for love outside—she had discovered love within as a
state of being.
To
Freddy, Chicago was a new city bustling with possibilities and potential. He had
led a life of moving between corporate jobs and relationships with ease during
the previous two decades when living in San Francisco. His true passion lay in
creative pursuits, but fear of a loss of stability drove him to stay in
unfulfilling professional situations and pursue the performing arts only as a
hobby. Everything had been shaken up by this move to Chicago looking for
newness, diversion, and a new direction for his life. Faced with the opportunity
of creating anew, Freddy found room to breathe and to reconnect with his
creative self. He grinned, imagining again the standup comedian’s stage that
had once been so familiar to him from his early days in San Francisco and the
Djembe drumming that used to delight his spirit.
A
desire for deeper self-expression and authentically sharing his gift brought
resolve to bringing focus to his life. How to channel creativity and pleasure
became a pursuit inspired by his tantric practice and ongoing learning.
Then
he met a woman. He didn’t know much about her yet, just what her profile on a
tantric dating website had detailed and what small stories they had traded over
a week of e-mail contact. Standing on her doorstep, he composed himself,
feeling good about meeting this woman he wanted to know more about.
She
had learned from his profile that he had grown up in a tantric household, an
interesting life detail that immediately had caught her attention and
curiosity. Smoothing her hands over her dress once more, she felt a flutter of
pleasant anticipation when the doorbell rang.
As
Freddy looked up the steps and Elsbeth looked back at him, they sensed that
this encounter had the potential for a new future for the two of them. That
night they shared wine and food, laughter and conversation, hopes and
aspirations, and tantric connection. Indeed this budding relationship was born
of a desire to create love versus unconsciously falling into it and bringing
forth a higher purpose together beyond playing out the romantic drama.
This
was the beginning of discovering joint purpose and direction in their personal
and professional lives. A few months into the relationship, they birthed TantraNova,
their transformational company. Integrating sex, love, and consciousness had
opened a door to wholeness within each of them and in their relationship. They
have come to coin this evolved state of being sexual enlightenment. How to share this opportunity to heal,
transform, and consciously create fulfillment in life and relationships became
their inquiry and mission for years to come.
After
leading hundreds of workshops and assisting thousands of couples and singles
since that first auspicious rendezvous, Elsbeth and Freddy are sharing with you
in this book how you can also enter the world of sexual enlightenment and
travel the road of creative joy and sexual, emotional, and spiritual wholeness.
Enjoy the journey!
Here you can learn more about sexual enlightenment!
