We
all know about IQ, emotional intelligence, kinesthetic intelligence, and so
forth. But what do we know about sexual intelligence? The term isn't
well-known, nor is it something that has been developed traditionally.
Sexual
intelligence can be distinguished by two dimensions:
The
first involves sexual energy that brings forth life in all that is alive --
animals, human beings, and plants. This intelligence was around long before we
became aware of ourselves, long before we knew about E=mc2. It's a built-in
intelligence present in sexual energy, given by nature, God, or the eternal
consciousness. Sexual energy is the spark of this divine intelligence that
created us.
The
second dimension of sexual intelligence involves the human capacity to be
self-reflective or aware of one's own existence, and particularly of one's life
force energy that is sexual in nature. In contrast to animals, which can only
follow their procreative wiring when in heat, human beings have the potential
to bring awareness and consciousness to their sexual selves -- their feelings,
thoughts, sensations, and behaviors -- which can create the opportunity to be
at choice regarding the use of their life force or sexual energy.
Therefore,
as reflective humans, we can develop the capacity to bring awareness to the
spark of life within us and use this not only in sexual acts, but to create our
whole lives. Our inquiry focuses on sexual intelligence that entails the
systemic relationship of creativity and pleasure built into life force or
sexual energy that can be found everywhere in life. We are particularly
interested in bringing light to that systemic relationship inherent in the
manifestation of sexual energy for the sake of consciously and joyously
creating our lives, relationships, and careers.
Sexual
Energy
As
we learned in our physics and chemistry classes in school, energy can take many
forms:
- Electrical
energy lights up the sky during thunderstorms and illuminates our homes at
night.
- Kinetic energy
sends a ball flying through the air when we hit it with a bat.
- Chemical energy
drives our bodies' systems and keeps us moving physically.
- Thermal energy
can heat our houses and the food we eat.
However,
absent from high school and college curricula is human energy as it manifests
in our bodies and consciousness. Human life force energy is sexual in nature
(though we are not talking here about traditional sex education) and
encompasses a range of states from subtle to intensely aroused. We become aware
of this energy when it shows up in procreation, when we are having sex, but it
can also be much vaster than and just as potent as what we experience during
sex. It can be used to create whatever we want to bring into our lives such as
good health, well-being, fulfilling relationships, endeavors, and/or careers.
The
sex act is one way of experiencing and using sexual energy, but not the only
way; intercourse is one stage on the continuum of experiencing sexual energy.
Without sexual energy to spark our desires, none of us would be here. It is
fundamental not just to human existence but to all of life as we know it and
has been present since the very dawn of creation.
Though
we cannot see it, life force or sexual energy is ever-present, both when we are
aroused in the bedroom and when we are at rest and sex is the furthest thing
from our minds -- and during every state in between. It's there when we're
doing mundane tasks like cooking dinner or getting dressed in the morning.
Sexual
energy in its physical manifestation and experience is unique in that it's
creative and pleasurable. This allows for the continuing existence of life, which
is part of us by nature. We can learn to draw on this awareness of creativity
and pleasure, similar to when we're in a loving space or viewing a work of art
or anything in which we regularly find joy. Our contention is that when life
force or sexual energy is unencumbered and free of past personal stories and
collective interpretations that no longer serve us, creativity and pleasure are
more accessible to us everywhere in life: where we live, in the people we
surround ourselves with, in the work we do. When we learn sexual consciousness
practices, creativity and pleasure start showing up as a default way of being
in the simple process of living.
Becoming
the Observer
Sexual
intelligence begins when we bring intention and focused attention to our life force
or sexual energy. Unlike animals that work simply on biological imperatives to
keep their kind from becoming extinct, we have the ability to become the
observer of our desires, impulses, wants, fears, and joys. Of course we're
wired in that biological dimension as well; in the big picture we're animals
ourselves, and it's our inherent mission to continue to thrive generation after
generation. In this dimension of sexual energy, we are machines -- it doesn't
require consciousness on our part. It's automatic and just happens whether
we're aware of it or not.
What
separates us from the beasts, then, is the second dimension of bringing
consciousness to sexual energy -- our ability to be self-reflective or aware of
our own existence, what we call the observer of the self. This uniquely human
capacity allows us to rise above the biological miracle we have been put here
to perform and recognize that we are at choice in how we live, feel, and act,
including our sexual beingness.
Being
at choice means we are able to see what is versus what we think should be. This
allows us to become clear about what we truly want and take effective action
toward fulfilling it. When we are aware of being at choice regarding our sexual
beings we can tap into and use our sexual energy in a multitude of ways
depending on what we want to create in our lives and relationships. We can use
it in the sex act. We can connect with our sacredness and deepen the intimate
connection with our beloved. We can integrate our sexual, emotional, and spiritual
being. We can use it to fuel our work creatively or connect consciously with
the people around us.
Developing
this state of mind is essential to working with sexual energy, to tapping in to
it and utilizing it to create fulfilling lives for ourselves. Without the
observer mind, we can be doomed to an eternity of automatic and habitual
behaviors that often produce suffering and a sense of being victimized by life.
In other words, we live devoid of creativity and pleasure.
As
a good example of the observer, let's look at a moose walking through a forest,
just going along its merry way. Then, suddenly, a big tree falls right in front
of her. The moose looks at the tree, lifts her nose to smell it, then nibbles
on the tree's twigs and leaves. As she eats, rain starts to fall. The moose
raises her head, enjoying and tasting the drops that fall on her face. When
she's had her fill she simply finds her way around the fallen tree and
continues on her journey.
Now
say a human is walking through the forest when suddenly a big tree falls right
in front of him. He'll look angrily at the tree, cursing and huffing: "Now
I'm going to be late for my meeting. And what about my wife and children and my
retirement fund? I have to make a bridge to get where I need to go! What? It's
raining too?" Throwing his hands up in despair and disgust, he'll exclaim,
"Why me, God? Why me?"
Becoming
like the moose allows us to be in the present moment, witness what is, notice
how we feel, and watch the chatter, thoughts, and interpretations in our minds.
As humans we are programmed to dwell on the drama that's already passed instead
of focusing on the present. Instead of getting caught up in this chatter of our
minds, we can cultivate our capacity to be like the moose -- simply to be with
what is happening right here and now. In this witness or observer state we are
connected with ourselves and tap in to stillness and peace -- and that's the
space where we can become sexually intelligent.
In
our next blog post we will discuss how to get "sexually intelligent."
Dr.
Elsbeth Meuth and Freddy Zental Weaver are the authors of the forthcoming book
"Sexual Intelligence: The Rosetta Stone of the Twenty-First Century".
For more information go to their website at TantraNova.
Freddy Zental and I returned from a most enchanting and inspiring workshop retreat that we lead at Kripalu Yoga Retreat Center
in Western Massachusetts over the New Year's holiday. A dream come true
working with over 50 participants, couples and singles. We felt like on
a beautiful smooth ride through the exploration into deeper intimate
connection with oneself and partner through foundational TantraNova
principles and practices. 
